getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
