I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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