My room smells like vodka and shame
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
