____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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