4 words: hood of his car
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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