You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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