The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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