I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
