I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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