yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
