Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
