Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
