i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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