toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
