This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
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other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
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So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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