So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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