Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
