There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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