You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
