everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
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