ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
