New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green