Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.