hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.