You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
