just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Mom said you looked used
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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