I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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