guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You smell like stripper and shame
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
