I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
