I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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