I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
