oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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