I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
