I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
