Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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