No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
