I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
