Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
