So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
