man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
