Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
