i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Michael Bay diarrhea
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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