the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
