oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
