I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
