So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i just had sex bonerless
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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