just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm at about main and main street
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
