His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
