I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
