So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
