I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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