Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
