Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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