just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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