i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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