I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
