she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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