Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
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