the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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