I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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