youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
