i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
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