I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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