i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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