She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
