this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
