There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
