Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Let the clothes fall where they may.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
