It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
