The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
