I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
