so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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