How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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