dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
